Usually falling for someone makes it all better.

I have been lonly and I've been depressed. I used to be so easy to guys about it. I'm 15 and i know what it feels like to go from the roughest times to actually being able to smile. June 11, 2008 my best friend shot herself in the head. She was only 13, her name Megan Leigh Crouch. She was pretty much everything to me. When i lost her it made me very suicidle.

I had been on the internet all night looking for the right combination of pills where I could just end it all and I didnt want it to mess up and me see the pain and peoples eyes. so i spent hours on the computer. I had a plan with in the next few weeks and i had a plan how i was going to write as a note where my book full of poems was going to lay at and how i was going to lay on my bed. One of those days i figured that I'd go to my friends house and we went to a football game before. At the game i met one of her best guy friends, his name was Tim. I was very shy didn't say much. I made him eat some of my nachos because I didnt want to feel fat.

That night my friend was talking to him and asked him what he thought about me because i told her I thought that he was cute. He asked to make sure of who I was because I was very quiet and then he told her that he thought I was cute. She gave me his number and me and him for to days talked from when we woke up in the morning to when we fell asleep.

On the second day of knowing eachother i felt so happy because i actually had someoen to talk to and it gave me confidense that he thought i was cute and was actually spending time on me texting me. Well on that second day he asked me to the movies. Of course he said what every sixteen year old does "we wont be watching the movie." talking about how we would be kissing the whole time. Well that didnt happen he seemed very nervous finally i broke the ice and told him i was lonely.

He kissed me about 3 or 4 times during that movie. At the end we had to leave he got up and just put his arms around me and pulled me closer and kissed me again. It was the most amazingest feeling ever. I had butterflies like wow.

Afterwards he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes. We started dating 11-9-08 and every sense then i havent been suicidle. And when i thought of it even enters my mind hes there to hold me. We have been dating for three months now.

My old plan was to kill myself a couple weeks, my new one me and him have talked about is growing old together and having children. When he tells me he loves me its the best feeling in the world. I told him I was scared and he told me that he could never hurt me. That he had fallen way to hard. And he was happy that it happend so fast.



What I'm getting to is that having someone to hold you and tell you taht they love you helps alot. My best friend, Brittany the one who introduced me and Tim had talked to me and talked me out of suicide at a moment but didn't fully help. I guess cause i knew that she had friends and although she said that I am her best i guess it was jsut to know that she could just find a best friend about the same.

Now having Tim i have found love again. He got me to realize who I was. How unique. Now i know I can never leave him because of what pain it would bring. And I know I could never leave Britt because the pain i have experianced. And I know that someone cares about me and loves me so much. I know they wont do what most have done and just said I hate you after a bit.

I understand it now. Him loving me has made me so confident. He has even cried when I told him I felt hurt about something and he felt horrible. I know he loves me and I know i love him and it just makes me feel so much better about life.

It tells me that if I were to kill myself it would hurt them as much as it did me when my best friend did it. So falling for someone does help.